Holiness

I had this idea of wholeness

Like I was supposed to keep it all together

Like I was supposed to figure it all out and fix it…

To hold on to all of it

That there was shame in losing any part of myself

But life and healing demand release…

The letting go and loosening of old stories and beliefs that bind us to illness

Sometimes I know just when to surrender

Opening like a flower

Responding like a dancer to the rhythm of growth

And sometimes I clutch and sputter

Clinging and grasping to the old even while I cry out for relief from it

It’s these releases that shake me to my roots

Humble me and remind me that wholeness is an illusion

That healing is messy and requires crumbling…

Falling to pieces and reassembling myself over and over

Sacrificing the pieces and parts of myself that embody the old scripts of disease

And that through this gifting…wholeness gives way to holiness.