Holiness
I had this idea of wholeness
Like I was supposed to keep it all together
Like I was supposed to figure it all out and fix it…
To hold on to all of it
That there was shame in losing any part of myself
But life and healing demand release…
The letting go and loosening of old stories and beliefs that bind us to illness

Sometimes I know just when to surrender
Opening like a flower
Responding like a dancer to the rhythm of growth
And sometimes I clutch and sputter
Clinging and grasping to the old even while I cry out for relief from it
It’s these releases that shake me to my roots
Humble me and remind me that wholeness is an illusion
That healing is messy and requires crumbling…
Falling to pieces and reassembling myself over and over
Sacrificing the pieces and parts of myself that embody the old scripts of disease
And that through this gifting…wholeness gives way to holiness.