“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke
This quote has been sitting on my altar for the past 6 weeks or so. I read it everyday and it has been working me…working my impatience and anxiety…my desire to just “be there” already. It’s been teaching me to surrender at yet a deeper level…isn’t that always the game…deeper and deeper levels of surrender, relaxing into our paths within the Divine design.
As much as we may try…
we simply can’t force our destinies or our healing processes.
The healing or resolution we yearn for will come when it’s damn well good and ready…not a moment sooner. Or it will come when you’re damn well good and ready. Ultimately, all we can do to truly facilitate the process is to relax, align and get out of the way.
I’ve been living with a big unsolved mystery in my heart for the majority of my life. When my sister died in 1987 my heart got twisted in pain. Over years of grief it manifested into a significant structural twist in my rib cage, spine and shoulder carriage. About 9 years ago I finally let myself acknowledge it and decided it probably wasn’t healthy to walk around with this trauma imbedded into my bones so I set out to correct it.
It became a mission. Over the last decade I have seen some of the best practitioners of bodywork, massage, polarity, cranio-sacral, structural integration, chiropractic, acupuncture…I have taken on a Chi Kung practice and worked with Pilates. I have experienced mind blowing and deeply transformative Theta healing sessions, shamanic healings, reiki and all sorts of energy work with an underlying, yet desperate desire to become “normal” again.
Sometimes I get discouraged when I look down at my chest or put my hand on my heart. I feel contorted…like it isn’t right to be all twisted up like this. Like I should have figured it out by now. Sometimes I even give up for a while and just resign myself to being this way forever. But I am always called back to the process…
And with each wave of healing intention I dive deeper and learn more about this creature that I am…I learn more about my body, my heart, my mind and my soul. Through all of these treatments and rituals I have learned the story of my unfolding…I have learned about the preciousness of life and love and body and heart…and I have learned about the process of healing…and I’ve learned that I can’t force my ribs to go back to “normal” before they’re ready no matter how much I want to and how much I work on them. In all these years of trying to find the answer I have come to love and respect the question, developing compassion and empathy for its every nuance…and patience for the little girl’s heart that is trying to heal.
But, in no way have I given up. Instead, I’ve come to feel that this deep longing to heal is a message from my destiny…pulling me forward into my future. I can feel and see my ribs opening, balanced and gently cradling my vibrant heart. I can sense the beauty and empowerment unfolding through this chakra as it’s healed. And I know now much more of what it will take to live this answer…to live open and loving…to trust Life…I’m learning to BE with the question while preparing myself to live into the answer…
You’re invited to schedule a Personal Strategy Session with me to receive loving guidance and practical support for your personal transformation and holistic wellbeing. Jo delAmor, Personal Transformation Coach.
